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I wonder if there’s ever been a study into how many kids your average long-term Saab owner has sired?
A German scientist has done a study into teste temperatures and found that guys who sit on heated seats for a prolonged period have higher testicular temperatures than guys who don’t. No surprises there, I guess, but they had to do the tests to make sure.
Does this make you squirm?
Testicle-testing German researchers fitted sensors to the scrotums of 30 healthy men who then sat on a heated car seat for 90 minutes.
I can just see the doctor now, walking towards the volunteer with a set of alligator clips saying “This won’t hurt a bit!”
Yikes!
Anyway, the scrotometer found that the average temperature of the heated sacs was 37.3 degrees C. The regular temperature of the human body is 37C and ideally, the testes should be a few degrees lower than that to produce the best swimmers.
Scrote temps for volunteers that weren’t on heated seats averaged 36.7C. It’s only 0.6 of a degree difference, but a little means a lot when you’re a microscopic athlete training for the biggest moment in your short little life.
The moral of the story:
If you’re a young, childless Saab owner with aspirations towards fatherhood, you better tough out those cold winters and keep the thermostatic switch in the off position. If you’ve already done your national duty (maybe you’ve already had the swings removed but left the rest of the playground intact) then you can approch winter with a smile.
Thankyou linesmen. Thankyou ballboys!
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(personally speaking, I’m 0 from 1, with a miscarraige only to my name from my first marraige. My wife’s done her child-rearing, with me marrying into an instant family comprising 3 kids, so I’ll have no further opportunity to test the theory)
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17 responses so far ↓
1 lance
// Aug 28, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Saab ‘Sperm’ special edition coming up then – so to speak…
2 MagnusE
// Aug 28, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Freezing your balls off in the winter probably does no good for the little swimmers either …
A setting somewhere between off and max ?
3 Quorcork
// Aug 28, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Luckily everyone (should) cool down when he gets out of his Saab which will allow our “younger” fellows to fulfill their dynastic duties…
Cheers
4 Tompa
// Aug 28, 2008 at 8:41 pm
I know my swimmers likes their environment eventhough I use heated seats wintertime.. I´ve got four kids to prove that..
5 detroitsaab93
// Aug 28, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Heated seat all winter plus whenever my back feels stiff from the gym……………..2 kids!
6 Adam
// Aug 28, 2008 at 10:43 pm
As a young single unattached guy, I should use my seat heaters more often. It sounds like The Male Pill.
7 Tedjs
// Aug 28, 2008 at 11:07 pm
A nice way to kick off my morning… Trollhattan Saab answers the lingering question why some Saab owners are shooting blanks. I will be sending this off to some friends.
8 Ryan McLean
// Aug 28, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Who spends /90/ minutes on their commute every day though? And if you’re in the car for 90 minutes, who leaves the seats on that long?
I am not really worried anyway. My heated seats are old. They still work, but my seat on “3″ is about half as warm as the seats in my sister’s new car, on 1. Or in other words, the lowest setting on her car is twice as warm as the highest setting on mine.
9 James
// Aug 29, 2008 at 12:05 am
My Volvo had heated seats and I never had any successful swimmers. My VW Doesn’t and I did accidentally get someone pregnant. Maybe there’s something in this!
Or maybe it’s because she’s a brit… who knows?
10 Kroum
// Aug 29, 2008 at 12:44 am
No word on cooled and ventilated seats?
11 zippy
// Aug 29, 2008 at 2:00 am
*singing*
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Saab seats cooking all your junk….!
Sorry – I just couldnt resist.
I think Ryan has a valid point though, who has their heated seats on for more than 5 minutes at a time before you start to feel uncomfortable. This test is akin to doing tests comparing the pain endured by cutting your finger accidentally or deliberately chopping off said finger – you just wouldnt do it, would you?
12 sam
// Aug 29, 2008 at 2:24 am
A new line to give your girlfriend on a date. “Don’t worry baby, you won’t get pregnant. I turned on the heated seats on the way over here.”
13 MitchbSC
// Aug 29, 2008 at 4:38 am
Hey, don’t forget about the *COOLED* seats in the 9-5!!
1 kid. But I have Emirates Air to thank for that. Brought a stowaway back from Dubai.
14 turbin
// Aug 29, 2008 at 7:53 am
“Winter with a smile” for me.
I’ve assumed the outcome of this research for some time but now I think I deserve some coziness in the car leaving home at 5am and driving an hour to work to keep the little tackers fed and warm in their cots.
Leather can be cold when jumping in but it’s amazing how it can continue to suck the heat.
The seat in the combi has been on 1 for the last few months, the 9000 on 3. Yes it’s still winter Down-under, but toasty down-under.
15 Sport Mode
// Aug 29, 2008 at 7:56 am
I’m soon to be 1 for 1 here pretty soon, despite having used the heated seats extensively last winter…so I’m not too worried. And even got one of the manly men to beat the other pansies to it, so no complaints here. Only two more months and I’ll begin training the young fella in the ways of the Griffin.
16 turbin
// Aug 29, 2008 at 8:04 am
“Only two more months and I’ll begin training the young fella in the ways of the Griffin.”
That’s a joy in itself. My 2 year old sees the Saab badge and knows it stands for “dad’s car”, made the connection himself. The 9 month old has met and received a prize (Emma elk) from the Saab Perf Team as he was inducted as their youngest member.
17 Ivan(MuzX)
// Aug 29, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Similar research did on noteooks. Those portable computers often held on lap and the cooling fans push the hot air down to the nuts. Scientists said that it also increase the risk to became sterile…